Oh no, please don’t look at me like that. I can tell by the fear in your eyes that you think you know all about me. Throughout history, I have been called Big, Bad Wolf. That was a gigantic misunderstanding. My Name is Bing Badd Wolf. Badd is a family name. In elementary school, my nemesis, Cruell DeVillski – she later changed it to Cruella De Vil – started calling me Big, Bad Wolf, and it stuck. You know how nicknames are; they follow you through school and that’s what you are called for the rest of your life.
Anyway, let’s get down to why you are still staring at me like a statue. Yes, there was a girl who wore a red coat with a hood. Yes, she was of small stature. But, that’s where the likenesses stop. She was not at all the sweet as honey girl that you have heard about. If you have a few minutes, I will tell you what really happened on that fateful day that changed my life.
I was in the woods, collecting trash. You would be amazed at the amount of litter that one can find in a deserted forest! I found a large line of newspapers around the back of the tree. I was picking it up, piece by piece, when I accidentally knocked into Red.
“Watch it!” she screamed.
“Oh my, little girl. Would you like to help me collect the trash to save the Earth?” I replied.
“Nah, I’m on my way to my sick granny’s house to deliver these nasty goodies,” she scoffed.
“Where does Granny live? Perhaps she needs help if she is ill?”
“She’s on the other side of the woods. As far away from my house as possible, just like I like it, the old hag.”
Then, Red was off. I worried about Granny. Red said the goodies were nasty. Was she trying to poison her grandmother because she was an inconvenience to the girl? I had to protect her! I protect all – old and young!
I scampered to grandmother’s home. I knocked on the door, and when Granny answered, I told her that her villainous granddaughter was on her way with poisonous treats. I whispered a plan that would save her life. Granny, a bit surprised, was ever so thankful that I had stepped into help. I explained that my plan would seem more believable if I was wearing granny’s nightgown. Granny handed me some old pajamas, and we locked granny into the bathroom to keep her safe.
I laid down in Granny’s bed. I heard a knock on the door. “Come in. The door is open,” I sniffled.
In walked Red. “Hey Granny, mom told me I had to bring you some snacks.”
“Oh, Red, how wonderful. Please come sit with me for a bit,” I wheezed.
Red came closer to the bed. “What is wrong with you? You have never looked worse. Your eyes are huge! Your ears have grown even bigger. I didn’t think that was even possible. When was the last time you brushed your teeth? They are yellow, and your breath smells nasty!”
“Oh, my Red,” I murmured. “My large eyes can see you better, my ears can hear you better – “
“Stop right there!” Granny, flying through the bathroom door, interrupted. I will not have any grandchild of mine speak to anyone like that, whether wolf or man.”
“But, Granny, what are you doing in the bathroom! Who is in your bed?” Red wailed.
And, out of complete embarrassment, Red ran out of Granny’s house, complaining that a wolf was trying to eat her and her grandmother. Granny told me all would be fine because Red was always telling stories, and no one believed her. Unfortunately, this time was different. As rumors and gossip often do, the story got worse every time a new person shared it.
Thank you for listening to me. I see that you continue to back away from me. Just give me a chance. I have some other stories that may ease your mind. Let me explain the hiccup between me and the Pig family…
Source: Wolf’s Version of Little Red Riding Hood
Retold by Exploros, CC BY-SA 4.0