Adages
Birds of a feather flock together.
Don't judge a book by its cover.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Stop and smell the roses.
Look before you leap.
Many hands make light work.
Two heads are better than one.
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
Waste not, want not.
Actions speak louder than words.
A stitch in time saves nine.
You are what you eat.
Don’t put the cart before the horse.
A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
Fish and visitors stink after three days. (Benjamin Franklin)
Well done is better than well said. (Benjamin Franklin)
Slow and steady wins the race. (Aesop's Fables)

Puns
How do turtles talk to each other? By using shell phones!
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.
A cardboard belt is a waist of paper.
That bicycle can’t stand on its own because it’s two-tired.
I was going to look for my missing watch, but I couldn’t find the time.
I practice my handwriting because it’s the write thing to do.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
A new type of broom came out, and it is sweeping the nation.
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
It’s hard to beat a boiled egg for breakfast.
He was a great doctor until he lost patients.
Simone was fired from her job at the hamburger stand for putting her hair in a bun.

Source: Adages and Puns